The Phrases shared by My Father Which Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a larger failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."